A big part of it is I have always been with someone. I had to get married at 18 and have had a mate ever since. Not until 2016 did I become all alone. It hit me hard. However, my ex was always around, and he loved me, which helped my loneliness. Then he left 2 years ago and went down to the pits of hell and is dragging himself out. He's a shell of the man I loved. So it's only been a couple of years since I have really been alone. Its habit. It's what our family does. But I will survive if I don't fall in love again because that is the only way to be happy with any man. I had no idea it would be this hard to extract myself entirely from the feelings I still have for my ex. BTW there's a great guy in one of my church groups, but he's 15 years younger. My friend has been seeing a guy 15 years younger for 3 years and is very happy. I can't do that, but I would hit on him if he were older.