Hi Lorie, We are comrades already. I am in awe of some of the great, kind, people on Medium that have come out with prayers, support, and their own stories so I don't feel so alone.

You know why I don't discuss this with friends or family. You know the daggers stabbed in your front and back by family members who, having never dealt with this evil, blame it all on your poor parenting. I even feel some "friends" with Beaver Cleaver families judge me because they just can't comprehend what my daughter has done. I can barely comprehend it and I've lived it. No good mother leaves her children to run off with a total POS, live in seedy motels or on the stree, associate with what I can only consider are pimps, and do drugs on top of it all. There is no word to describe the pain when she left those kids. And they still adore her. Because she manipulates them by dangling her "wonderful" motherly love in front of them. And she gets them to feel sorry for her. These are 2 amazing kids because their dad is an alcoholic.

You have lived through the worst of the worst and you are absolutely right about your mother and sister. The stress and beaten down feelings that go along with loving an addict will cause physical illness and deterioration.

She can be realistic, especially now she's been told she may die soon. Would you mind if I copied and printed your letter to show her? She needs to see this and these are words I could never put down on paper as you have.

BTW we thought about getting custody of the kids knowing they would hate us if we took them from their dad. We decided that would cause much more anguish. We made a network of 8 family members on both sides that take turns watching over the kids and keeping in contact with them.

Thank you.