I am now going through everything you write here, and I see myself from beginning to end. It is SO HARD. I felt so sorry for the person who screwed me over. I thought he was going through a tough time, needed money, lost his job, and so on. But he was just big liar. It's taken me a long time to wake up and stop running myself down and blaming myself for the whole mess. I wish I could go to hospital, have treatment, and be cured!