I appreciate your comments and sincere intentions.
One of my daughters and I constantly pick him up to spend time with us. We took him to Florida with us over Thanksgiving and had him over on Christmas and New Years Eve.
But, he lives with his father. He is strict and if we butt in too much he doesn’t appreciate it. He is raising those kids, not us. My SIL’s mom and I tried an “intervention”. He took it fairly well but it has strained our relationship.
I try to look at it from my son in laws POV. He got so totally screwed over by my daughter. His life has been a wreck since she walked out for another guy (a user, loser, who dumped her fast). And left him with a 12 and 6-year-old.
Believe me he knows we are always there for them. We do as much as we can. But, we don’t live next door. We don’t know when he’s alone or not. He will call his sister first if he has a problem and she will call me if necessary.
The 3 of them are fiercely loyal to each other and the kids are very obedient. In a way they have a better dynamic than many “normal” families.