I have friends who want that instant starry-eyed appeal, but I'm older and know that starry-eyed stuff masks things that bother you. I didn't realize how well I got along with my ex (before alcohol) until I started reading some stories. And now, not that I'm comparing, but my ex was always asking about my family, and I was the one who didn't ask much about his. They were never close. I knew my ex cared about my life and past, but over half of it was spent with him! And I am still thinking about my ex a lot. It's useless. But 35 years, and then he just leaves? Why do I even care about a man or date at all?

He thinks we will get married, but I don't see a ring, and I'd rather not. That will put me in a bind. Plus, isn't it odd to assume we will get married? Damn. I can't face this, Lisa. I can't. I hate being alone.