I know you understand, and it has taken me two years to get past the betrayal my ex did to me. First, I loved him and wanted him back so badly, then hated him for what he did, and now I pity him because he lost so much, and I've gained so much. It's karma in a way, but I get no satisfaction knowing he is so low in life right now. However, I've let go after much sadness and suffering, and I'm happier than I've been in ages. I pray for this for you, too. I know you think you can't hate her, but it's a hate that doesn't manifest in Evil. It's a hate that sets you free to see the reality, and then you just let go. No love or hate for the person who hurt you. Just apathy.