I never considered it sexual, but everyone was allowed to spank me that many times every birthday. So when I turned ten, it was ten spanks and so on. Ugh..... I recall when I was 11, I had a pad on for my period, and my grandfather made me lay on his lap so he could spank me. What a stupid "tradition." I was so embarrassed. But, it was not punishment like yours. I can't imagine what you dealt with. I'm sorry it's still hurting you as if it happened yesterday. I did not spank mine.