I realize you feel old, but 56 is young to many people, including me. Why do you think you can't be a novelist? Your writing is excellent here. A book about your life sounds like something I would be interested in reading. And you don't have to put all that stress and strain on your mind and body. Just sit and write. I know you want to tell me to shut up! I don't blame you. But you sound like such an intelligent, cool person. I hate to read about your life as it is now.