I sure agree with you Georgia. People get tongue-tied and say dumb things but not usually out of a mean heart, just a blank mind. They probably kick themselves later.
I remember when I finally saw the light. At about the 3rd wake where I stood there and thought "WTF do I say", I decided to say just that.
"My friend, I am so sorry...I just don't know what to say".
I've been using this ever since and it's kind, inoffensive, and shows you care but have no idea how the grieving people really feel.
I am sorry about your son-in-law. There is no end to the inappropriate things people say to those who have lost a loved one. I think the worst is if you've lost a child and someone says "at least you have other children" What!!??