I would have done everything you did. We are concerned right now that my 2.5 year old grandson will get labeled. He's hyperactive for sure and he doesn't talk. He expresses the sound of a letter like B or D but never says a whole word. One of my daughters is saying he may be "on the spectrum" and his mother is furious about that. No parent wants that label for their child for all the reasons you have listed and experienced. My son had social anxiety and acted really bad in high school. He went to online school and is doing great. He's 33 now. There's often a way to work around things if you keep looking. Your education was a real blessing.