I’m divorced and I understand everything you are saying but… an affair cannot be compared to a marriage relationship. I believe for you as it was for me, that the sexual freedom you found in an affair was better than your marital sex situation and that may have been a catalyst but was not seeing how a relationship “can be”. Marriage is a deep commitment and there will be conflict. Affairs are fun, mysterious, and not deep at all. I’m glad you found your way out of an unhappy marriage.