In my stupidly unrealistic mind, I am waiting for my ex to return, apologize, and spend the rest of our lives together. But...deep in my heart I know that betrayal, those lies, that massive stab in the back, can never go away, and I would hate him within months of any reconciliation. I don't know why I don't hate him now. It's his loss, but I need to segway from this denial stage to be able to love again.