I've wondered how you came out of this before completely losing your mind. The woman you are today is a testament to how you survived such a deep depression, while fighting the feelings of love you had for Ken (as much as many wonder how you could have still loved him, I've been there) Mixed with your suspicion and his betrayal, your heart must have been exploding. I advise everyone to read your memoir, "Love and Loss in Cambodia." It goes deeper into the story you tell in this article and should be made into a movie. It would win an Oscar with the right director. Ron Howard or Greta Gerwig, perhaps. Honestly.