My ex told my kids he would love me until death so they naturally blamed me for everything. That ass was Joseph’s clone. He never had a date after our divorce and died 30 years later. ALL my fault. Still my fault and he’s been dead 6 years. I killed him. (That’s what one daughter says). It doesn’t go away so you have to work around it. You already know you aren’t going to have that life, marriage, family you described. What’s next?