So I swallow my pride and pain again and realized that nothing changes. It's too late.

This pretty much has to be our motto. I shouldn't have gotten pregnant at 18. I shouldn't have gotten divorced. I should have married the doctor. I should have, should have, should have....No one sees what's going on unless it's happening to them. The worst is that nothing was expected of me. I was to be a failure and written off as such. My siblings chose colleges and I had to get married so I wasn't college material anyway. (I did get my bachelor's degree in my 40's) I did some good things and lived a clean life but that poison spread to my children and my nieces and nephews until I became the "Aunt Jane" of the family. My father's sister that was labeled the Black Sheep of his family. I hope I never treated her badly because she was my favorite aunt. But I knew she had that label even as a kid. I appreciate your comment and see how painful this is for you. Even with my parents gone, my reputation remains! It's still funny to the rest of the family. You are a great person for just letting the thing go with your dad and the cousin. Not worth the tears but I know why you cried them.