Thank you for all the time you take to write such thorough and intelligent comments to me. I would do better with my daughter if other family would stay away. It messes up our relationship if my sister steps in every 6 months or so and tells my daughter how she should have been her mother and then she wouldn't be like this. (Seriously)

Crap like that. My sister actually tells my daughter she feels so guilty for not saving her back 25 years ago. From life with me. Its sickening. My daughter is smart but she will cling to an idea that was never going to be reality. It's like saying you will take care of your neighbors children if anything happens to her because it sounds good coming out of your mouth. But the reality is you would never really do such a thing. It would compromise your happy ass life. You just say it to look like you are so nice. That's my sister, and my daughter, deep down, knows this. But, she also wants to be happy. On and On. I've always had to compete with my family butting in to "be helpful" and really making things worse.