Thanks, Paul. I know you are right. I am seeing a counselor and have been for a few months as soon as his behavior changed. I really thought he was moving on and could not have ANY relationship with me. I never thought he was drinking again until I smelled it on him myself. It did take a lot of grief off my heart, though. I would move on, but to where? I feel so lost without a partner, and I have gone on several dates with not an iota of feeling for any of them but one, and that didn't work out. Also, Al-Anon is good, but it makes me feel guilty that I didn't stick it out with my ex. Like I said....swirling emotions but also KNOWING what I need to do.