There will be cremation immediately after death.

A very brief obituary will be published in the local newspaper.

No church service will be held.

There will be no traditional Catholic wake or celebration of life feast held.

After both parents have died and been cremated, their vault will be opened and their ashes buried. No opening for the first to go — that’s wasting money!

That's precisely what I told my children just today! I don't like all that funeral pomp and circumstance. I came into this world as a nobody and want to go out the same way. God knows I'm coming. That's all I care about.