This is a very hard part to understand. Remember vacations and private jokes just between the two of you? The intimacy you shared and thought was impossible to live without? At least your ex can speak to you. Mine is so guilt ridden and ashamed for how he ended everything he won’t even come to grandchildren’s birthday parties. He never sees our four children or four grandchildren. He left us all behind. I hope you love again someday if that’s what you want. His TBI undoubtedly contributed to his decisions. Mine had several hits to his head that we joked about his skull being made of steel. Now his heart is that way too. Your sadness is palpable in your story.