This was how I felt when my husband became alcoholic after we were married 27 years. After 29 I had to leave him. I was close to suicide and I didn’t look for help in the right places. That was 2016 and he just got his 4th OVI last December.I will always love him. The man he was. You suffered so much and my heart aches for you. I feel they never get better. I hate to say that but if very addictive and hopeless they are overpowered.