When I think about it, even though I don't think Jon is the one, my ex would never make me happy. I am living in the past and the passionate beginnings of our marriage. I had not been in love with my first husband like that or any man since my ex. I want that so bad. But my ex burned me badly, lied, and deceived me, and I lost all my faith and trust in him. I was so anchored in the love I felt he had for me. It was the biggest shock of my life after being told I was pregnant right out of high school, being number one. Why I still love him is beyond any of my family, friends, or even my grandchildren's understanding. They see him for what he is, and I see him as the guy I met and married. I hope to meet someone who helps me erase that ex from my mind. He will always be in my heart.