Wow Rodrigo. This is the first story I read this morning before even getting out of bed and I’m glad I did. You have told it with every possible childhood emotion tied in. My heart aches for you. You did all you could to understand the relationship, especially by speaking to your friend about her lost child. My hope for you is in that picture you drew. I see a child in the arms of a loving mother. A child who is important to her whether she can express that or not. What an amazing picture for a young boy to have drawn. It sounds like your mother may have been emotionally worn out. Having a baby at 44 was unusual back then. The fact she almost lost you, just like Jose, could have led her to guard her heart and detach from you. Her fear of a great loss again took over. Mothers Day can be hard when your mother is gone. You lost yours at a young age and before she ever left this earth. I hope writing this has eased your heart some. It was an emotional and excellent story.