You recognized your mother as a lost soul. That’s generous. I wanted to be a flight attendant back in the 70s when it was glamorous. I got pregnant and had a baby and had to get married. After I had my baby so many people asked why I didn’t go ahead to flight attendant school? And leave my baby with who? I left that dream behind. No way would I have left her with anyone. Not even her dad! I feel bad for you thinking about that fear you had.