You sound so much like me but we've had different paths. My ex wanted to reunite for 6 years after our divorce. I didn't stop loving him but I stopped trusting and respecting him. He got three more DUIs after our divorce and I couldn't justify remarrying him. What a fool I would be. But then he left one night and went silent. Nothing I did could get him to communicate with me. Finally, he texted me a goodbye. A text after 37 years! I know he's a coward with no integrity. I let him come back for a few weeks a month later and I knew he was gone. Then I find out he's had this girlfriend. He went on a drinking binge and got another DUI. A felony in the state of Ohio. He turned to her for all his needs after that and she told me they were engaged. She had the wedding ring I put on his finger in 1987 on her left hand for an engagement ring. That blew my mind! Then I told her he'd just texted me a few days before to get together and talk to me and she wanted to read them in my phone so I let her. She never knew he was drinking. She read the messages and giggled saying that sounded like a message from him! My friend told her about the ring. She realized how much he lied to her. She broke their engagement but he conned her into thinking she was the only one that wouldn't judge him. He depended on her while in Jail to pat his bills etc. for 6 months then he moved in with her as a "boarder". Yeah, sure!
I still ache for him sometimes even though he stabbed me in the back. We had so much fun together for so many years. Raised 4 children. None of them speak to him. They see what he did with her and the drinking as being a traitor. They really wanted us back together. He's not the guy I knew. He tried to kill himself a few months after our divorce by jumping off a ledge in his shop onto a concrete floor. He was a Bess of broken bones and ruptured bladder and head injury.
But I took him for granted those 6 years after our divorce because he professed to love me so much for so long. I dated some guys but nothing serious. I kissed a couple guys. He was always in the back of my mind. I had no idea how much I loved him until he was gone for good. I shocked myself and all my friends and family. So, I suffered through it, lost 20 pounds that I gained back, and kept looking for another love. Finally I met Jon. I know if I lost him I'd be so sad but some days I'm not sure if I want to be with him forever. I think that's normal. I have to let go of my ex because if he came back now i wouldn't be happy with him. He's penniless, owns nothing, can't drive for another 4 years and will be paying fines for a long time. He's under all the restrictions of a felon. Most days I think he's a snake who lied to me and went behind my back for so long and I was clueless. Why would I want him? Then here's Jon who I don't think could tell a lie if he tried! Since he's been out of jail I spoke to him once on the phone about our daughter with issues. He tried to talk to her and she refused to have anything to do with him. A few texts mostly from me and a birthday text from him. After the incident with my daughter I went into no contact and did not acknowledge his birthday for the first time in 38 years. I feel good about cutting him out of my life but feel sorry for the kids and grandkids who have nothing to do with him.
It's a tough world out there. Tell me about your lost recently love sometime. I'll PM you my email.