You're not alone, and I understand the man thing. My mom would say out of the fire and into the frying pan. I lost 12 years in my first marriage. My second husband and I made it 29 years, and I will never consider it wasted. He was a good partner until the last few years, and I sometimes feel bad I gave up on him. You do you because you know yourself way better now, and I admire you for it.